The First Step…

Reading time: 6 minutes

Welcome to my blog! 🙂 They say, that the first step is always the most important and the hardest on a road. So this morning I decided not to wait anymore, and write the first post about the idea of the blog’s name: Mil Pasos de Mesmes. 🙂

Where should I start? This time let’s start at the end and then go step by step. 😉 My name is Mese or Mesmes. I was growing up in Hungary, in the beautiful city of Budapest. However, if you ask me, I did not live in Buda nor in Pest but on an island called Csepel in the southern part of the city. Along with many other, my favorite hobbies include dancing and music. Those come with me through life all the way. The name Mesmes I also got through dancing. My Brazilian zouk dance teacher, Ronaldo called me like this because in Portuguese mexe-mexe [Mesh-mesh or Meshi-Meshi] means Move-move! or Shake-shake! 😀 I like to move it, move it! 😀

The other parts of the blog’s title have a little bit longer story. By the way, is related to dancing and music too. Some years ago, there a song titled Mil pasos, which was played several times in the kizomba dancing parties. Its title means A thousand steps in Spanish. I really enjoyed that song. I was caught by its mood, the emotions included in the lyrics and the vocals, its calm rhythm and the instruments playing. And last it not least the lyrics. And I also liked to sing it! I always liked to sing in Spanish, even as a teenager when I did not know the language. However, I just sang in fake Spanish. But coming back to the title, the song Mil pasos is about a break-up, but for me more about a start and freedom itself, because you can not only break-up with a person, but also with things, places, thoughts, beliefs, emotions, habits, our own previous self on many levels…

Un paso, me voy para siempre
Un paso fuerte,
Un paso hacia delante

One step, and I leave forever,
One strong step,
One step forward

The word step has several meanings for me. A step is a progress on a road towards a goal, where the road itself can be the purpose. Who does steps is proactive, initiator, open-minded, ready to change.
A step is a small part of a whole. Sometimes it is enough to see the next step and to trust in the Care to advance towards reaching our goals in the future. Otherwise, due to our defeatism, our own goals might frighten ourselves. Make baby steps – like one good friend from Timisoara, Andreas told me once.
Steps are there in dancing as well, which is one of my favorite activities since my childhood. Often, I am dancing in the elevator and even pitter-pattering in a bus stop. Doing this, probably I made smiling more than one security person. 🙂 I adore music and rhythm since I can remember. According to some friends, I was a latina in my former life.. 🙂

Photo by Marta Czubak on Unsplash

Dos pasos, me voy sin mirarte,
Tan lejos pisé,
Dos pasos y ya te olvidé

Two steps, and I leave without looking at you,
I stepped so far,
Two steps, and I already forgot  you

For me, these lines tell about letting go my former self and the burdens carried so far. More distance and a new perspective can help to understand, to forgive and to move on.

Photo by Geran de Klerk on Unsplash

Tres pasos ya soy hacia al este,
El sur, el oeste,
Tres pasos, creo mucho, me parece

Three steps, I am already towards the East,
To the South, to the West,
Three steps, I think it’s a lot, It seems to me

I was interested in the World and other cultures already when I went to school. I loved languages, nature, and geography. I had a coloring book with maps and all the flags of the world, and later I was traveling through Indiana Jones’s adventures in the computer game Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis. The hardest part was to get in the Mayan pyramids in Tikal.

However, in real life until becoming an adult, I did not have the chance to travel a lot. With the help of my family once I spent two-weeks in the UK, where I attended an English course in Barnstaple, and once I traveled to some nice cities of Italy with my secondary school class. In the last few years, I try to catch up on the things that I miss. To fulfill my wanderlust. I attended several dance festivals and workshops abroad, sometimes I visited some cities with a backpack and some cheap flight tickets, and several times I just hosted travelers in my home in Budapest and listened to their stories.

Cuatro pasos, quiero acordarme
Quatro pasos ya sé
Tu me quisiste, yo te quise

Cinco pasos ya sin perderme
Tanto me alejé
Cinco pasos y te perdoné

Four Steps, I want to remember
Four Steps, I already know
You loved me, I loved you.

Five steps already, without losing myself
So far away I walked
Five steps and I forgave you.

This is the part of the song that makes obvious that it is about a break-up. However if I read it again like I was leaving my former self, then I start to realize that there is a kind of similarity in those situations. In a good case, wathing from far away, I only have love in my heart and I had already forgiven to my former self. I accept the person who I was before, and I am grateful that she took me here until now. Without her I would not be the person I am.

– ¿Y cuándo volverás?
– Je ne reviendrai pas.
– ¿Y cuándo volverás?
– Je suis si loin déjà
– ¿Y cuándo volverás?
– Un día o jamás

– And when will you be back?
– I will not return
– And when will you be back?
– I’m so far away already
– And when will you be back?
– One day or never

Usually, I don’t like to answer questions about the future. Though I like to plan, I also like to stay flexible and leave the opportunity for things to flow. Actually, I am planning for spontaneity. On the go, I try to listen to my inner and head to the direction where my heart draws me. This changes the plans many times. 🙂 And I am changing and learning with every step as well, that is why I just cannot return to the place and the way I was before. I am continuously developing and sometimes I realize how far I got from the person I was.

Seis pasos, ya son casi siete…
Contar más no sé…
Mil pasos y más, me quedo de pie.

Six steps, almost seven…
I cannot even count…
A thousand steps and more, I keep standing..

These lines remind me of the persistence, to have faith because, with every little step I make, I am getting closer to my goals.

Photo by Samuel Zeller on Unsplash

Un paso, dos pasos, tres pasos,
Cuatro pasos, cinco pasos…
Mil pasos…

One step, two steps, three steps,
Four steps, five steps…
A thousand steps…

My current goal is to set up self-consistent, self-identical goals. I am taking the path of self-knowledge and trying to filter and reduce the noise and the expectations so that I can find my true purpose. Since 2017 I started to learn about myself consciously, read books, talk to other like-minded people, to pay more attention to my inner and intuition. Nowadays, I treat my feelings and physical symptoms as they want to teach me something new and I try to figure out the lessons to learn.

In 2018, while revising the past year, I try to clean my goals and find my true purpose and my way to freedom. For that, I had the idea to go on a trip for a while. So after attending and volunteering at the Warsaw Zouk Festival, I will fly to Portugal to empty my head and to wake up my intuition. I feel like I need more than two days now to plan the coming year. Soon I will tell you more about the experiences.

Until then, watch a beautiful kizomba dance to the song Mil pasos.

Photo on top by Ashim D’Silva on Unsplash

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